Do you remain at your desk during lunch, squeezing in extra work as you down a sandwich over your keyboard? Has the snooze function on your alarm developed a finger-shaped groove since you’ve pressed it so many, many times?
Are you “aimless, discontent, and anxious about many things”? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you could be suffering from a highly contagious, frequently undiagnosed, and 100% lethal disease: adultitis.
Now, the Cure Adultitis Institute walks you through the facts about this horrifying condition. Read up on the diagnosis. Inform yourself of the prescription for treatment. Submit to the online test to determine whether you, like so many humans between the ages of 21 and 121, may be suffering in silence. Don’t delay. Ask your doctor about this as soon as you can. And then get up and move slowly away from your keyboard.
What does someone with Adultitis look like?
Adultitis does not make itself evident through obvious physical characteristics. It is equally prevalent in males and females, and across all races and nationalities (although we’ve seen an abnormally high concentration in France.) Extremely advanced cases of Adultitis can result in certain physiological appearances and behaviors, such as a wrinkled brow, hunched or droopy shoulders, a visibly frenetic pace, excessive frowning, and empty, zombie-like stares.
What are the warning signs for Adultitis?
You might have Adultitis if…
- The only reason you avoid nude beaches is because you’d have nowhere to clip your cell phone.
- You can’t wait until they come up with a way to surgically fuse your cell phone to your head.
- You’d definitely quit your current soul-sucking, black pit of death job if not for the great vision plan.
- You go to work when it’s dark and you come home when it’s dark (and you don’t live in Alaska).
- Your family eats dinner in the family SUV or around the microwave.
- The last time you remember taking time off was when Michael Jackson was black.
- The mere thought of being unable to check voice mail or e-mail for a 24-hour period makes you spontaneously combust.
Go to Adultitis.org to find out more about this debilitating condition
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