Sexy Hot Beauty

 Know what you want in a partner before it gets too hot to handle

The MTV generation seems to have made it OK to love ‘em and leave ‘em, with no strings attached. Shows such as “Parental Control,” “Blind Date” and the explosion of sexual freedom and independence make casual relationships seem sort of cool.

Some argue casual sex offers the best of both worlds — an intimate physical relationship without the pressure and expectations of a long-term commitment.

According to a 2006 Journal of Sex Research study, 70 percent to 85 percent of sexually experienced adolescents ages 12 to 21 reported engaging in intercourse with a casual sex partner during the previous year.

The health risks of casual sex have been well-documented.

And, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention in Atlanta, the numbers of common sexually transmitted diseases, such as chlamydia and syphilis, steadily are increasing as people’s attitudes about casual partners become more lax. Almost half of all STD and HIV infections are among people 25 and younger.

And it’s not just the young who are at risk.

In May, the Villages, a 55-plus community near Ocala, reported an outbreak of STDs. A doctor blamed the availability of Viagra, inadequate education and the lack of pregnancy risk.

That’s why Gustavo Harden, a 33-year-old Melbourne resident, has to pause when it comes to casual sex. At 6-foot-6 and with strapping good looks, it isn’t difficult for him to meet and greet, but he prefers to be in a relationship with one person. And if it is casual, he defines it in a different way.

“I’ve been in relationships where it was like, ‘OK. Come over,’ ” he says. “But I don’t believe you should call a female up and get with her and who gives a darn what she’s doing afterward, if she has food to eat or gas to get to work. Now, it’s casual times two, because a man is going to want to keep you around, especially if you look good.”

Dr. Robin Goldstein, a Suntree psychiatrist, says everyone has a different capacity for casual sex. Some are able to handle it, while others are not.

“If you’re focused more on day-to-day pleasure and having fun, you’re not going to be harmed by it,” she says. “But somebody who wants emotional closeness and uses that as an alternative is not going to be successful.”

In addition to the risk of sexually transmitted diseases, there are emotional drawbacks to having casual sex. According to Goldstein, too many casual alliances can inhibit real relationship skills, causing the person to miss out on what true love is all about.

“If you spend your late teens and early 20s getting into close relationships and learning what works best for you, you will be more prone to getting into healthy relationships later on,” she says. “It’s not like you wake up one day at 33 and say, ‘Hey, I’m ready to have children now. I want someone to be with.’ It’s a tougher act if you haven’t invested the time prior to that in learning how to be in a good, close relationship.”

Goldstein says people make fun of young lovers and teens who fall in love because the relationships often don’t endure. But at least they’re learning how to sustain a real relationship.

And for women, it may be hard to separate feelings from the physical act.

Author Jacquelyn Rochell of Detroit says women may have a harder time keeping their emotions in check with someone who’s having casual sex with them and who also is treating them well.

But not everyone disagrees with the notion of casual sex. For some, it’s a necessary and healthy part of life.

Rochell decided to write a book about the trials and tribulations of relationship boundaries after a breakup of a casual, nine-year relationship. When she wanted more, things started to fall apart.

In her book, she said casual sex can have benefits.

“There’s just so much emotional baggage in these long-term relationships,” she says. “Some people find it a lot less hassle to meet a friend that they enjoy, can spend time with, and if it doesn’t work out, you can go your way, and I can go mine.”

And that’s why so many people engage in casual sex. You’re not really trying to build a relationship, and therefore, you can avoid hurt, pain and other complications of serious love.

If you must have a casual relationship, limit your expectations, Goldstein says. That way, you don’t get hurt.

From FloridaToday