The Evite was enticingly titled “The Gift That Keeps On Giving and Giving and . . . oh . . . god . . . YESSS!”, so I’m expecting a little naughtiness along with my battery-operated handjob helpers. Most of the women in attendance are creative types, and we’re all wearing name tags announcing our porn alter egos (Hannah Harpoontang, Eileen Dover, Gabby Buttocks, etc.).
The room is filled with giddy yet slightly nervous energy as we wait for our 29-year-old “Passion Consultant” Jenny Lobland, to show us the Jelly Osaki, Super Deluxe Smitten, and the Octopus Massager.
But first, we loosen up with a game of “word scramble.” I have a competitive streak and am thrilled when I’m the first to unscramble “dildo,” “intercourse,” and “sensual,” and score a penis candle. While the game does open up our getting-to-know-you session, it’s the words “I never . . .” that truly get the ladies going. Admissions like “I’ve never had sex on an airplane,” “I’ve never swallowed,” and “I’ve never had a threesome” pour out. After we suss out our varying levels of sexual experience, it’s on to the nitty-gritty.
We listen as Lobland launches into her spiel, while holding up pink and purple toys and passing out sweet lotions. Several volunteers go to the bathroom to apply samples of creams like Ready to Go to their clits, then return to describe the “icy-hot” sensations to the rest of us.
But that’s as climatic as it gets with this crowd. The vibe here is friendly rather than flirtatious, and strictly hetero. We share secrets but not secretions. Apparently I’m the only one in the room who wants to see some topless nipple-rubbing action, because even when we’re all applying fruit-flavored gels to our nipples and sharing details about our orgasmic ability, our clothes stay on.
Read more at the Village Voice
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